


Part IV: "Staring into open flame..."

by cosmics (Cosmics)



Series: ashes in my wake [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Anidala, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Clone Wars, Clones, F/M, Lightsabers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-01-21
Packaged: 2018-03-08 07:07:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3200078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cosmics/pseuds/cosmics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mox has left the Order but she hasn't completely abandoned the Jedi way of life. She still believes in doing good, just not the same way as the Jedi do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "Do you miss my warmth, on your island?"

_"Put your hands up!"_

_"I don't see what good_   
_that would do._   
_I could easily kill you_   
_right now_   
_if I wanted to."_

_"Do it!"_

_A lightsaber clanks to the floor_   
_and hands are raised._   
_The clone trooper does not lower_   
_his gun._   
_"Hello, Briggs."_   
_A smile forms._

_"Knight Howes?!"_

_"Nice to see you again,_   
_can I pick up my lightsaber now?_   
_I'm not going to hurt you._   
_I'm here for the same reason you are."_

_"Your lightsaber is red._   
_And you left the Order._   
_I can't trust you."_

_A sigh of annoyance_   
_puffs out into the cold air._   
_"It's orange, Briggs._   
_It always has been._   
_Who's your general, then?"_

_"I'm in the 501st._   
_But General Skywalker_   
_is a little busy right now,_   
_so he left Commander Tano_   
_in charge."_

_The surprise is quickly masked_   
_and a hard outer shell takes its place._   
_"Take me to the Padawan, then."_

_"Sure._   
_I'm gonna need to carry your lightsaber,_   
_though."_   
_He shrugs,_   
_"It's protocol."_

_"I remember,_   
_Briggs."_

_///_

_"You are Mox Howes?!"_   
_Commander Tano's voice_   
_cracks in disbelief._   
_"You're Anakin's friend?"_

_"Well, we used to be friends._   
_We haven't seen each other_   
_for a year or so._   
_Why?"_

_"You just seem really,_   
_you know,_   
_Sith-y."_   
  
_"Well I'm not."_

_"I know,_   
_you're just a rouge Jedi._   
_Anakin has told me_   
_about you._   
_He'll be very happy to see you again."_

_A heavy pause ensues._

_Finally,_   
_"Actually,_   
_Commander Tano,_   
_I'm not staying."_

_"And why not?_   
_He'll be so happy,_   
_please?"_

_"I really can't."_   
_Pain shines through eyes_   
_and there's not much else to say._

_"You don't want to see him,_   
_do you?"_   
_A facial expression must_   
_have given it away._

_"I'm sorry,_   
_Padawan Tano._   
_It was nice to meet you,_   
_but I think I've spent as much time here_   
_as I can."_

_The padawan stands up_   
_and leads the way to the door_   
_with a scowl on her face._   


_"Goodbye,_   
_and tell Anakin_   
_that when he's ready_   
_I will be here_   
_for him."_

_///_

That was six months ago  
and when I got onto my ship today  
there was a new holo-message  
from none other  
than Anakin Skywalker.

"I want out."


	2. "I got dark only to shine."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a year and a half, Anakin makes contact with Mox. She's been a freelance Jedi since she left, and balancing herself on the precipice between good and evil.

"The end is drawing near."  
She no longer threatens me,  
no longer bares her teeth.

"I know."

"Do you know which you will choose?  
Your friend,  
or your foe?"

"I will make the decision  
when the time comes."  
How can I make the decision now  
when I don't know who is my friend  
and who is my foe?

"It will be soon.  
I will not be back."

And I wake up.

///

A blinking light  
in the dark room  
alerts me that I have a new holo-message.

The hotel room around me  
is quiet  
and dark  
and the light from the city streams in  
from the windows  
that remind me of those  
that I once stood before in the Jedi Temple.

I pull myself up,  
gather a sleep robe upon my shoulders,  
and click play.

The face that appears before me  
is one that I have not seen  
in a very long time.

My friend.  
Anakin.

"The war is drawing to a close,"  
he says.  
"I just returned from saving  
Chancellor Palpatine  
from General Grievous  
and Obi-Wan is going to  
track him down.  
Dooku is dead.  
After Master Kenobi returns,  
the Jedi will no longer have a hand  
in the war.  
It will be over.  
Padme is retiring as well,  
and we have some other news  
I would prefer to tell you  
in person.  
I hope  
you still want  
to be our friend?  
Will you still allow me  
to do as you do,  
at your side,  
continuing to better the galaxy,  
just taking it a step farther  
than those in the Order?  
Contact me  
with your answer."

By the end of the transmission  
my head has fallen into my hands  
and I am  
crying,  
for the first time.  
I am crying tears of joy.  
I won't be alone anymore.

///

We used to hide in the library  
from Master Obi-Wan.  
I used to help him  
with his Life Force skills.  
He used to teach me new lightsaber  
techniques.  
We used to sit  
at Dexter's Diner  
every day for lunch.

This is where I find him now,  
in that exact seat,  
with a cup of juice in his hand,  
and shoulders broader than I remember,  
and hair longer than I can recall.

He's changed so much.

"Anakin."

He looks up,  
and his eyes brighten a bit  
but he looks sad.  
"Mox."

"How are you?"

"I don't know."

I sit down across from him  
and his gaze drops to the table again.  
"How is Master Obi-Wan?  
And your padawan?  
And Padme?"

"Obi-Wan is...  
Obi-Wan. He's fine.  
Ahsoka  
left the Order.  
She reminded me of you,  
but she left for other reasons.  
I told her to seek you out,  
once she'd found herself.  
I guess she hasn't yet."  
He doesn't mention Padme.

"You're in pain."

"Yes,"  
he says.

"Why?"

"Padme is pregnant."

I reach out to touch his arm.  
"That's wonderful news!"

"She's going to  
die  
in childbirth."

"Oh, Ani."

"I had a vision."

"Visions sometimes lie.  
You will find a way to keep her  
alive."

"I love her."

I smooth my palm down his arm.  
"I know.  
I know, Anakin.  
She'll be alright.  
And I will always  
want the two of you  
as friends."  
I pause.  
"The three of you, now,  
I guess."

He smiles up at me,  
but it's a little watery  
and a little shaky.

"She'll be perfectly fine,  
Anakin,  
and the two of you will have a  
beautiful baby."

 

He hesitates.  
"She's close to giving birth.  
Once Obi-Wan comes back,  
I will send a holo-message to you  
and we can make plans then.  
I've missed you,  
Mox."

"I missed you, too."

His comlink beeps  
"I can't stay any longer,  
the Council has a meeting."  
He stands up  
and drops some credits on the table.  
Then he turns to me,  
"You would forgive me,  
wouldn't you,  
if I went to any length  
to protect her?"

"I might,  
but would she?"

And then he's gone,  
through the door,  
back into the light of day  
and I see a tear drip down  
his cheek  
as he walks past  
the floor-to-ceiling  
windows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from "Numb" by Marina and the Diamonds.
> 
> The last Part (which is only one chapter) will be up probably sometime today or tomorrow.
> 
> A freelance Jedi is someone who is not affiliated with the Order and doesn't necessarily believe in it's teachings, but they still worship the Jedi religion and may carry a lightsaber. In Mox's case, she's become a sort of bounty hunter type freelance Jedi.


End file.
